Food is the bane of my existence.
I think about it all the time. You would think I was a starving kid wondering where my next meal was coming from, rather than an overweight woman who always has meals right on time.
It’s worse when I’m trying to be healthy. It’s as if a switch in my brain turns on and suddenly, all I can think about is all of the food I want but can no longer have.
This is the part where I admit I’ve tried to become anorexic. I’ve tried to give up food. But my brain simply won’t let me. When I even consider withholding calories my brain goes into storage mode and I end up eating everything in sight.
And that disgusts me.
I don’t know how to turn it off. There has to be a way to re-program my brain and my body to better handle my relationship with food. Because right now, that relationship is an abusive one. One that I’ve been content to stay in, but I can’t keep living this way. Eventually, I’m going to end up with diabetes or other potentially life-threatening ailments. And all I really want is to be healthy.
And to be comfortable in my own skin.
If I can attain those two goals, I will be ridiculously happy – no matter what my pants size is.
It all comes down to changing my relationship with food. My body responded really well earlier this year when I gave up refined sugar and carbs. I’m going to do that again – without counting calories. Counting calories makes me obsess even more about what I’m eating – which tends to make things worse.