This week I started attending classes at Carolina Barre and Core. I’ve had two so far, and somehow I’m still alive (though it was touch and go after the first one). These classes are fucking hard. I am, of course, always the largest body in the room. I have to modify many of the movements so that I am capable of doing them. But it’s heartening to see everyone in the class struggle with some of the movements. I look around and I see everyone shaking as they struggle to hold a pose for as long as instructed. Of course, I don’t recall seeing anyone else have to stop and catch their breath before continuing, but it’s possible I just didn’t notice because I was so focused on myself and my own pain.
One of my struggles with any workout is telling my body how to move and having it actually move that way. It rarely happens. Sometimes it’s because I legitimately don’t understand how to move a body of my size in the way I perceive the movements to be. Sometimes it’s because my body physically gets in the way (last night, the instructor came up behind me during child’s pose and tried to push my hips closer to the floor – but they wouldn’t go because of my thighs and belly). I think that’s something that fitness instructors don’t always understand about larger bodies. Not that I’m trying to generalize all larger bodies – I look at people like Whitney Way Thore and simply marvel at her command of her own body. I don’t have that. But I think I’ll get it, with practice.
I am eight weeks post-op today. Not to be confused with my 2 month surgiversary, which is in 5 days (I’ll post comparison pics then). And life is good! My stall has broken – I think the workouts have helped with that, along with cutting carbs way down again. While I still don’t see much difference in my body, I can wear clothes again that I haven’t been able to wear in at least a year. I’m even starting a pile of clothes that are too big and shouldn’t be worn again! And this time, I’m getting rid of those “fat clothes” – never to be seen again. It’s weird to have lost nearly 40 pounds (the most I’ve EVER lost in my life!) and not see a difference. But the scale doesn’t lie, and my clothes don’t lie. I think I’ll always see fat Mandi in the mirror – or at least I will for a very long time.
Total Lost Since Surgery: 26.2
Total Lost: 37.2
Total inches lost: 20.25