But right now, I’m having a bit of a hard time.
The scale isn’t moving.
I’m one of those people who gets annoyed when I see other people say things like:
I’ve only lost 30 pounds, and haven’t lost anything more in two weeks. I’m so scared that I won’t lose more.
What if this is all I’ll lose with the surgery? Did I do this for nothing?
I’m losing too slowly. Why did I do this to myself?
It’s physically impossible not to lose weight when you’re eating 800 calories or less. My body needs at minimum 2000 calories to maintain my current weight. There’s no way I can’t lose on my current diet! And that’s true for every single person who has had wls.
I now understand the… disappointment. I’m not afraid I won’t lose more. I know I will. But my scale is not my friend right now. That probably means I should stop weighing myself, especially every day… but I can’t right now. I need to see that what I’ve put myself through is worth it.
My last six weigh-ins have been: 228, 226.9, 225.7, 227.6, 225.8, and 226.
It’s frustrating because I had grown accustomed to seeing a loss every single day. And now I’m fluctuating between the same 2 pounds.
I know that everybody goes through this. Every. Single. Person. who has had bariatric surgery goes through this. I am not unique, and I am not alone. And I know the scale will move again.
But that doesn’t stop the emotions that come with a stall. Feelings of helplessness. Hopelessness. Failure. I don’t have a therapist anymore, which is one of the reasons I started blogging again – journaling is a great way to cultivate self-awareness and work through some of the emotional bullshit we deal with as humans.
So basically. This whole post is just to say – I’m in a fucking stall. I fucking hate it. I fucking KNOW that it will break. But I’m still goddamn emotional about it anyway.