Friday was a hard day. I didn’t get that hangry feeling I had on Day 1, but I was hungry all day. And then my careful planning of meals got derailed. I almost gave up and just went to McDonald’s… but I didn’t!
I knew I wasn’t going to be home for dinner that night; Whitney Way Thore was signing her book in Cary, and I knew I’d be going. My favorite cobb salad in the world is from Mimi’s Cafe – and there was one just across the street from Barnes & Noble! It seemed like fate! Until I looked up the menu to double check nutrition information and learned that one closed down a few months ago.
In the past, I would have just given up and gone the easy way out and hit up some fast food restaurant to avoid the challenge of finding something appropriate to eat. Instead, I searched for places that had healthy and tasty salads – and found DICED. I ended up with a tasty(ish) salad and was able to feel confident and proud of my choices. Of course, by the time I got home that salad was long gone and I was starving. I kept having to find things to snack on until bed time, though I never felt full. I didn’t go over my calories for the day, but I felt like a failure for being so damn hungry all day. I drank tons of water, had plenty of protein, but I still felt like a bottomless pit.
The book signing was awesome. It was Whitney’s first book signing ever, and she was absolutely adorable! She read a passage from her new book (which is awesome y’all – I’m debating a book review on this site to gush about it) and answered a ton of questions. The question I found most interesting, of course, was when someone asked if she’d ever considered bariatric surgery. Since, you know, I’m going under the knife next week and all.
She said no.
Her reasoning is perfectly logical; she has no life threatening issues or illnesses that could be corrected by the surgery so the risk of surgery isn’t something she would consider. For a split second, I felt a bit dissatisfied by her answer. I felt like I was being judged for my own choice. I soon realized, however, that wasn’t the case AT ALL. Whitney’s whole philosophy is that every one (every body) should feel proud and comfortable of themselves. Everyone should make their own choices in life that would empower them and make them happy and satisfied, rather than having societal mores forced upon them. And I’ve made this choice for myself. I’m not doing this because I think I should look a certain way or that I’ll be worth more as a person if I lose weight. I’m doing this for me. And let me tell you – any person who didn’t value fat me sure as hell doesn’t deserve a thinner me to be in their life.
The weekend has also gone fairly well, food wise. There’s a not-insignificant amount of new stress in my life thanks to personal issues, and I still made mostly good choices. I did eat pizza tonight, because that’s what my mom wanted for dinner and I’ll do anything to make her feel happier right now. But I didn’t eat the whole pizza. Or even half a pizza. I included the calories in my plan for the day, and stayed within my limits.
Tomorrow is my endoscopy. It’s not required by my insurance, but by my doctor. And I have to be honest; I’m more nervous about this than I am the surgery! I’ve never had a procedure like this done before and it freaks me out. Everyone tells me I won’t remember it, but I keep fixating on the idea that I’ll be sedated but not actually put to sleep. I’ll survive though.
Countdown to Surgery: 10 days!